


Puns on Kashyyyk

by Lifeoflemoon



Series: Clone Trooper Puns [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Battlefront (Video Games), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Battle, Drabble, Fun, Gen, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kashyyyk, Pure entertainment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25693465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lifeoflemoon/pseuds/Lifeoflemoon
Summary: Orders are to help liberate the beaches of Kashyyyk, but the 212th is having a rough time at it. It's alright, they have Puns. He doesn't know what he's doing but he's going to have a great time anyway.There is a mess of things and the clones only make a bigger mess. They're going to need a bath after this. Their General is wholly okay with it.
Relationships: Boil & Waxer (Star Wars), CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Clone Trooper Puns [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858885
Comments: 12
Kudos: 72





	Puns on Kashyyyk

This fic is dedicated to the sound 'Bloop'.

“Hey guys, look. I’m one with nature.”

Puns was standing amidst the giant plumes of grass on Kashyyyk, trying to blend in. His brothers stand around him.

“How well do I blend in?” Puns asks.

One brother answers him, sounding only slightly bothered, “Not at all, Puns. We’re wearing orange and white in a brown and green environment.”

“You would think that the Republic would plan for this,” Another brother mutters.

Puns slumps, sniper rifle drooping, “This isn’t going to go well, is it.”

It took not too long for Puns to get lost. He blames the labyrinth of tall grass. Kashyyyk is better than Felucia though. Not nearly as eerie. There is actual sun here.

He found some cool stuff. Spent some time sitting in a Canoe. Saw a spear sticking out of the ground.

Found a little hut with no walls.

Puns tilts his head at the sight. “That seems impractical.”

He starts to walk away.

“That shelter is missing part of the ‘shelter’ part.”

By the time he hears blaster fire, there a more “shelters” sitting amongst the beach.

There is smoke coming from some transport that seems to have crashed.

Pun is confused, “Who left that there? Terribly inconsiderate.”

Puns climbs on one of the taller shelters, standing on a long overhanging balcony above the battlefield. He shoots down at the droids, giving his brothers some room to breathe.

When the droids shoot back up at him, he crouches behind some very conveniently place barriers that some very thoughtful person placed there.

“Yes! Can’t touch this ish! I’m up here, Clankers!”

Puns hears the sound of lightsabers and freezes, “Yeesh, that’s some fast karma.”

He turns, seeing General Grievous stalking up to the shelter. There are only two lightsabers in his claws.

“Oh my, he looks angry.”

General Grievous is shot at by some of his brothers, but he doesn’t seem to care. His only has eyes for Puns, and Puns is not in any way flattered.

“Why is he looking at me like that?” Puns mutters, “I think he’s triggered.”

He raises he rifle and shoots. General Grievous deflects and continues his relentless march towards Puns.

Puns sucks a breath through his teeth, “Yikes, this looks personal. Don’t come any closer, please. I’m not that much of threat, I swear. Where are my brothers when you need them?”

Puns looks around and it’s just him and General Grievous, “Oh, this is way too intimate.”

General Grievous strides onto the balcony and Puns waits patiently.

“Come closer, yes, yes, no no, too close,” Puns whispers.

“It’s time to die, clone filth!” General Grievous spits.

“Haha, nope!” Puns laughs.

General Grievous shouts and lunges. Puns rolls off the balcony, “You thought!”

The first thing Puns did after Puns leaves his hiding place underneath the hut was climb directly back to his spot on the balcony.

He only destroyed two more droids before he hears that ugly cough again. Behind him somewhere.

“Oh, really?” Puns mutters.

He turns and watches General Grievous do the same thing he did before, stalking up towards Puns. Not a care for anything else.

“Ugh, Why!” He shoots at General Grievous, “What you want from me!” He shouts.

“You need a vibe check, sir!”

General Grievous strides onto the balcony once again. He pounces.

“Not a vibe! Not a vibe!” Puns shouts and rolls off the balcony once again.

“Show yourself, Clone!” General Grievous shouts, stomping through the mud.

Underneath the balcony was mud up to his knees.

Now, Puns hides amongst the grass, bathed in brown sticky swamp mud. Helmet looking like nothing but a dirty rock.

He watches General Grievous cough and growl, lumbering away.

“I am one with nature,” He whispers and slips away under the mud.

Mud slaps Waxer in the back of the helmet, “What—that?”

He’s tackled to the ground from the side, getting sprawled in a puddle of sticky mud.

“Just roll in it with me!” Puns urges, when Waxer starts to fight him.

“In what?” Waxer shouts, outraged.

“The mud! I’ve figured it out!”

Waxer is angrily confused, “Figured what out?”

Puns makes mud angels in the swamp puddle, “How to become one with nature,” He whispers.

Waxer joins him.

“The separatist have taken over the battle, brothers, we need to turn the tide!” Comes through the general com feed.

Waxer frowns, “In other words, too many droids and not enough brothers. They can spot us fumbling through the flora.”

Puns stops, clasps his hands together and bows to Waxer, “We must become one with nature.”

Puns stands alone again in the swampy land. He really needs to stop getting lost.

“Tank! Get down!” Boil slams into Puns when the sudden roar of a separatist tank breaks through the nearby foliage.

They sit together in swamp puddle, waiting as the tank flies lowly over them and continues on its way.

“That was too close for comfort,” Boil mutters.

Puns snorts, “What are you talking about? I’m super comfortable!” Puns splashes happily in the puddle.

Then he looks at his armor. “Oh no! My precious mud!”

Washed off in the watery swamp puddle.

Puns hears General Grievous cough and yell.

“Clone! You will meet your end!”

“Oh no,” He whispers.

Puns runs.

“No mud, no mud, no mud! Mud!” Puns sings.

Puns dives into a mud puddle and slides across the battlefield, blaster bolts flying over his head.

He slams into something and knocks it over. Something went clean off their feet and fell into the mud.

Puns slows to a stop and looks up to see what he hit.

He sees General Grievous struggling to release himself from the thick mud that has suctioned him down.

“Huh, that’s not what I wanted,” Puns mutters, and lets himself slide the rest of the way down the hill.

Puns cleans the mud out his rifle and in seconds has it in working order.

He caresses it gently, “Beautiful,” He whispers.

Puns stands and a brother nearly shoots him the face.

Longshot nearly shoots Puns in the face, and Puns stands in with his hands on his hips.

“Rude,” Puns says, frown in his voice.

“Stars, Puns, I could have killed you!” Longshot shouts, “What are you doing covered in mud? I couldn’t see you!”

Puns voice raises in excitement, “Really? Perfect!” He claps.

And Puns tackles Longshot into the mud.

As Longshot gets to his feet he spits, “Great, Puns, now I have to clean my blaster.”

Puns then hands Longshot his blaster, “Already done!”

“Let’s go!” Puns sings and skips away.

They meet up with Waxer, who is taking droids out from the grassy bushes. Slathered in brown mud.

Longshot balks, “You too?”

Waxer shrugs.

Puns gasps and his brothers jump.

“What is it, Puns?” Waxer whispers.

Puns breaks into a sprint and throws himself into the grass with a yell.

“Damn it, Puns!” Crys cries, pinned down in the underbrush by Puns.

“Join me!” Puns cries.

They stand. Crys tries to brush the dirt off his armor.

“Puns, you got me covered in mud!”

“Well, there’s no need to ‘Cry’ about it.”

A pause.

Puns shrieks when Crys tackles him back into the puddle.

There is a tense silence that Puns feels as they creep walk back towards the main action.

He picks up some more mud to keep the layer on him wet, and then smears some on Waxer’s chest plate.

“For you.”

Waxer sighs.

“Thank you, Puns.”

Puns didn’t collect anymore brothers on their little stroll through the weeds, but as they moved, he noticed more and more brothers slipping away into the grass.

Covered in mud.

Puns hums, “Glorious.”

The Commander was surrounded by droids, stuck behind an overturned canoe as they rained fire upon him.

Puns shakes his head, “Nu huh, this. Will. Not. Do.”

Waxer makes the hand signal for spread out.

Now the droids were surrounded by brothers, blending into the flora.

Puns grins, ready once again for destruction, “Bang bang, Clankers.”

Blaster fire rains upon the battledroids.

Puns tries not to fidget too much as Waxer helps the Commander up. It doesn’t last.

“Where’s the General?” He blurts.

The Commander sighs, “Likely in the thick of it.”

The words were right there, he really couldn’t help it.

“In the ‘thicket’, is he?”

They ignore him. He chuckles anyway.

The Commander waves everyone onward.

Puns gapes. The General is trying to take down a tank. And deflect blaster bolts from the surrounding droids. By himself.

“Damn, this is tight spot!” He looks at his brothers, “And there are, like, five of us.”

Puns glances back the General, “I mean, I’m bad at math, but I don’t need calculus to understand that our rate of decay is decreasing at a lesser rate than that of the droids.”

His brothers stare at him.

“You know, the limit does exist, approaching zero faster than the droids.”

Waxer places a hand on Puns shoulder. Puns tries not to flinch at the touch.

“How about we just make some better odds. Commander?”

“Troopers, assist the General,” The Commander orders over their feed.

Dozens of mud-covered brothers stalk through the grass.

“Clone filth!”

That and a cough would have been the last thing Puns heard.

General Grievous pounces at him from behind, lightsaber sweeping to cut him in half, and Puns slips in the mud.

General Grievous goes flying right over him.

“Puns! Stay down!” The General orders.

Puns lifts his face out of the mud.

“You got it, General!” He sings.

There is a lightsaber battle over him.

At some point during the clash of generals, his General steps on him. It was unavoidable.

“So sorry, Puns!”

“s’all good,” He calls, giving a thumbs up.

Eventually, Puns lifts himself to all fours, feeling very unhelpful face down in the mud.

General Grievous is between him and his General.

“Perfect!” His General calls.

He force pushes General Grievous, who trips backwards on Puns, clawed feet flying over him in the air.

Puns slides away before General Grievous could stand again.

Puns isn’t sure if he should be proud or insulted at being used to trip General Grievous.

The General helps him stand up, grinning, “So sorry, Puns, it was too perfect.”

Puns tilts his head. He shrugs.

“S’alright, General,” He holds out his muddy arms, “Let’s hug it out.”

The General laughs.

At least he gets a pat on the back.

Bonus:

_After Kashyyk_

Grievous scraps droids in his anger, sweeping his two lightsabers through metal.

He howls. “I must _destroy_ him!”

“Get me Ventress!”

Boil stood with his arms crossed at the center of camp. Annoyed and bothered.

“What’s wrong, vod?” Wooley asks.

Boil huffs, “I think Puns saved my life.”

Wooley raises his brows, “Are you going to explain?”

“Grievous came for us and Puns ran.”

Wooley frowns, “That sounds like the opposite of saving your life.”

“Except Puns ran smack into him.”

Wooley is confused, “That sounds like the opposite of Puns.”

Boil shakes his head.

“I think that sounds exactly like Puns.”

“Where’s Waxer?” Boil asks Wooley.

Wooley gets up to leave, “Don’t know.”

“Right here, vod,” Waxer responds from the bushes.

Boil shrieks.

“Camouflage,” Waxer says. Puns peaks a muddy helmet out of the grass next to him.

“One with nature,” He whispers, and recedes back into the bush.

“Puns, Commander Cody is looking for you,” The General says, not even looking up from his report as he walks by the thick grass.

Puns gasps. How did the General know he was in there?

The General stops and looks right at him, “The force, Puns. You’re very bright.”

Oh.

How did the General know he asked?

The General sighs, unimpressed, “The force, Puns.”

Oh.

“That’s pretty damn neat.”

“Come on out of there, Puns. Commander Cody has a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” Puns blinks.

“Yes, Puns. Do you want to know what it is?” The General responds.

“Uh, Yes, please.” Puns chirps, “This sounds like the nice kind of surprise, not the bad kind.”

The General smiles, bright and fond, “Go find out.”

“Commander?”

The Commander clasps a hand on his shoulder, “For you, Puns. Good work today.”

For Puns is a brand-new custom-made sniper rifle.

Puns laughs happily and looks at his Commander.

Then he stoops down and puts more mud on his armor.

“I wasn’t very ‘shiny’ in this battle.”

The Commander responds in kind.

“No, not in this battle.”

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, more battlefront. This one was harder to write, but I had a hard time on Kashyyyk because I was losing for more than half the battle before I made a comeback. And that part at the beginning with Grievous actually happened. AI's really only care about you, and will only hunt you down if you bother them, even if there are other's there to bother them. It's obsessive and annoying, but it really helped out the plot.  
> And once again, this developed plot along the way.  
> And I actually included puns in this one.  
> Does anyone have any requests? Because this is fun.


End file.
